Client Prequalifications

Your Part

We will not be able to do business with you at this time if:

You are not nice (at least the majority of the time)

You do not laugh at our jokes

You have an aversion to paying your bills on time–Like the ones we might plan on sending you for doing work at your house, for example

You don’t like pie–Cherry, Apple, Peach, Pecan, Chocolate Cream, etc.

Your level of patience expired back at number 2

You require the kind of Contractor-Client relationship that requires a private, direct line between the two of you (I mean, we’re likeable and all, but c’mon–you don’t want to talk to us day and night–we require a significant amount of beauty sleep, here)

You like to walk around your house in the nude…when guests are present

You feel compelled to pay unnecessarily high prices for first-rate products

You have a problem with “regular” folks

You didn’t understand the point of this list

*Any requests for special consideration to any of these guidelines are to be formally submitted in writing. You may feel free to “click here” for email access to the Super Special Complaints Department (aka Misty).

PIE!




“What’s with the random pie,” you might ask? It’s really not so random once you understand the science behind it. You see, home remodeling, albeit rewarding, can be a brutal and grueling task. We operate our Kansas City remodeling business under a system of serious reward. Fridays were dubbed “Pizza Fridays” by Total Home because it just doesn’t get any better than a hot pie on Friday. We order from various local restaurants like Mafia Mike’s in Lenexa, KS; The Original Pizza in Overland Park, KS; and Rosario’s Pizza over in Olathe, KS. And although the hot Kansas City pies keep us truckin’ throughout the week, the real treats we enjoy come in the form of whipped cream, crust, fruit, sugar… We take donations, by the way.